Painful Lessons

Humans are stubborn, plain and simple...we want to do things our own way. So sometimes God has to teach us a lesson the hard way. As hard and painful as these lessons can be, there is a purpose behind them.

I know that my physical pain is teaching me everyday. I have to learn how to accept my limitations, be patient with people when I am in extreme pain (not always easy) and rest.

Accepting my limitations is a hard one. I know that all humans have limitations but sometimes having FM presents more of a challenge than what I am used to. For instance, I work 3rd shift, 12 hour shifts 3 nights a week. I have been doing this for almost 5 years. Now when I first started, I could work all night, stay up the whole next day and work another job, then after working go babysit my little sisters. All of that in the span of 24 hours, no problem. It is difficult for me to know that now I only work one job and have a hard time just doing that. I get mad at myself when I have to call my boss and complain because I am working 3 nights in a row. When I do this I often feel lazy or like an annoyance. Along with the physical pain is the dreaded fibro fog. That to me is the hardest thing to live with day to day. I used to have a great memory. I was the spelling champ of my family, my mom would rely on me to remember important details while we were out running errands. Now I am lucky if I can remember my own name some days.

Throught these limitations though, I am learning that God is good and He knows my limitations. Jesus wants to carry my burdens for me, all I have to do is hand them over. I am learning that if I do my best, I can rely on God to take care of what I could not.

Dealing with other people is a challenge for me. When I am in a lot of pain or having a major fibro fog, trying to deal with others feels almost impossible. I find that I just want to retreat into myself, and cut off contact with the world. That is not always a possibility though, no matter what situation someone is in, dealing with other people is a fact of life. So when I am faced with the situation of other people I find that I have to fight irritation, anxiety or sadness. What emotion I fight depends on the situation I am in at the time.

I must remember though to deal with others with love. If Jesus could treat His persecutors with love and kindness while He was in excruciating pain, then I should treat people the way Jesus did. This is a lesson that will be ongoing for me.

Rest is a good thing. God rested on the 7th day. When fibromyalgia is a fact of life, rest is vital. For me this ties in to accepting my limitations. I don't like to think about my day and try to decide if I will have the energy to get through the day, or if I'll need a break. Everyone needs rest, I am learning that I need more than the average person.

These lessons are ones that I will probably need to learn a few times. But God is faithful and will guide me through these lessons.